I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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