I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
