No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This house was built for laser tag.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
