how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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