after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
