you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
