I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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