Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize