i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
