You're so nebulous sometimes
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
