I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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