they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
where are my eyebrows?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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