We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
True college students do jello shots in the library
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