i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
