Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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