i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
