her vagine was all disorganized.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
