3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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