Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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