just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have aggressive nipples.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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