Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A+ Viking dick
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
