my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
