no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
