Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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