first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
