I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
