No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
