"it" just moved
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
tell me about the fingering
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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