At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
