I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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