im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
