Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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