those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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