The maid of honor just puked.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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