i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
