Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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