Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
