I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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