Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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