and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
