You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
