I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize