Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
