i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
