The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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