it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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