Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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