THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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