brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
