Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
