Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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