I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
