somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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