Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
