If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
