thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
