He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
