Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

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(302): View more from Delaware

I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

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(917): View more from New York City

i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

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(973): View more from New Jersey

her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!

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(651): View more from Minnesota

My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.

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