Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Terrible idea I love it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
