like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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