The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
