honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
