im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
