Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
