Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
