My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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