Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
