Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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