Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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