Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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