It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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