pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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