Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
