We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
